"the conversations" - 66 reasons to start talking

Olivia Fane is a novelist and mother who has degrees in classics, social work and theology. In this brilliant and humane series of short essays, reminding me of the journalism of Bertrand Russell in the 1930s (Mortals and Others), she poses the question why we stop having a really good conversations characteristic of early phases of our relationships. She questions the assumption that these conversations are bound to peter out as a matter of course. She explains how she initially set up this kind of proper conversation with her husband by reading a couple of pages of Kierkegaard comparing romantic with conjugal love – this process can set the scene for a recovery of both a sense of intimacy and otherness. The range of topics is vast: on happiness, suicide, vanity, loneliness, infidelity, fame, personal space, infatuation, Plato, torture, parties, ghosts, human rights, flirting, immortality, trust, feminism, euthanasia, cooking - this is just a sample of the 66 starting points for conversation, and each is followed by 'food for thought' - questions for discussion and reflection. For instance, we are asked if we think happiness has more to do with circumstances or character; how would you devise your perfect break? Is conscience necessary to be truly happy? Do you think torture can ever be justified? Can you imagine setting up a charity? Would you like to be immortal, or an angel? Again, the stimulating list goes on.

Olivia draws on her own experience of family life as well as on her multidisciplinary academic training which brings a refreshing rigour to accompany the eloquence and incisiveness of her style. When she was ill aged 16, she spent the time reading a Greek textbook and Plato's Republic. Her mother and grandmothers feature regularly as she reflects on various bits of advice they gave at different stages of her life, encouraging her express her individuality and question politically correct assumptions. Her mother gave her advice on flirting aged 13; her maternal grandmother was rumoured to know the whole of the Oxford Book of English Verse off by heart and Olivia was made from the age of 5 to learn a poem every week. In the 1920s, this grandmother won an air race, a motor race and a point-to-point in one year! In the 1960s and 70s, she would go out and shoot the supper - whether a rabbit, pigeon or pheasant - which she would then skin and pluck herself. Olivia sees the world as made up of aspirers and non-aspirers, observing that former like to do well in life but tend to be exhausted by working so hard. This, in her experience, makes them less interesting conversationalists than the non-aspirers, who are more relaxed. Altogether, a hugely enjoyable, informative and amusing read for the whole family.