Let Evening Come – Reflections on Ageing

The author of this wise and compassionate book describes herself as 51% Episcopalian and 49% Quaker – it is a measure of her character that she only began to learn Greek at the age of 70, and this book was published when she was 87 in 1998, bringing her acclaim late in life, as related by her grandson in the introduction. The book is direct in its tone, beginning with the observation that ageing takes courage as we preside over the diminishment of our capacities and the disintegration of the physical body – where is dignity to be found? She quotes Jung as saying that "I do not live life, but life is lived in me" and we need to deepen the process of self-knowledge as we find ourselves in a new and perhaps precarious situation. The temptation is to complain and become more demanding, i.e. self-centred, but this is a sure way of putting your family off and correspondingly reducing the frequency of their visits. We have to learn to give up control as we move from a central position of responsibility within the family and begin to come to terms with paradox: failure is success, loss is gain, defeat is victory, every loss contains a gift, losing one's life is finding it (p. 9).

We have the opportunity to shift from doing to being, to feel more at home with ourselves, to reach some measure of peace. The author quotes a grandmother saying to her grandson not to expect any action: "all I have to offer is a cosy time by the fire", to which he replies "Don't underestimate cosy!" It can be a challenge to realise the nothingness and emptiness of the quiet centre within, but this can also be liberating if we can become fully present in the now, sensitive to the beauty as well as the pain of life. A difficult but rewarding journey can be from aloneness to solitude, which brings us back to being and the spiritual growth possible during this phase of life. Finally, we have to learn to say farewell as we approach death as both an end and a new beginning. We have to give up everything, ultimately the physical body having, hopefully, lived to the full in our time. This can give rise both to a sense of freedom and compassion; I was struck by her point that the dying need human contact and lots of it – touch and love, maybe even song. There is a deep and touching humanity in this book which supports the reader to begin growing into its insights and applying its guidance.