WHY ME? MY JOURNEY FROM M.E. TO HEALTH AND HAPPINESS

This is the truly inspiring story of an "ordinary" teenager, who on the eve of his GCSEs and of realising his dream of performing in a rock concert, is struck down with M.E. He takes us through the next 7 years of his "living hell": the intense loneliness, the incessant pains and headaches, the depression and the desperation of wanting to go and hang out with his friends when after his two hours at school, he only had the energy to lie in front of the TV – the only thing that could numb the mental and physical pain and the endless questioning, "why me? Why me?" Two years in, he was following expert medical and holistic advice, doing his special diet, yoga, qigong, meditation, Nystatin, but nothing seemed to make the difference. At rock bottom and feeling utterly lost, he rang his uncle Iain. This was to be "without doubt the most important conversation of my life".

"On a scale of one to ten, how badly do you want to change things?" he asked. "I would do almost anything. Nine or ten." Iain asked him to write two lists. First, "all the things you think you could do to get better, then all the things that make you worse." Such simple, obvious advice and Iain's support, (Alex's father had left when he was baby), spurred Alex into committing himself to changing how he spent his time. He developed almost superhuman self-discipline, started to read voraciously and so, he set off on a journey of self-discovery. The books he read are all very familiar to Network readers (his list is at the back of the book), but whereas most members read intellectually, Alex was putting what he was learning straight into action. All his basic assumptions were challenged, his old friends and interests became alien, "I was to dis-cover my greatest fears, my true loves and most importantly, I was to embark on …the journey of real adulthood: to find out who I am and why I am really here." This is no overstatement. He had many more 'rock bottoms' to face. The "total, and utter, sheer, uncompromising hell" of sitting three weeks of A levels when he could barely sit up or focus on the page and when his brain "was just an intense fog of darkness." But by turning the questions over to his unconscious mind, beyond all expectations he – well I won't spoil it! Only gradually did he became aware of the impact that the fear and negativity of his childhood was still having on his thoughts. By listening to countless hours of personal development tapes, he "literally rewrote the part of my brain that processed life." He knew from all he read and from people he had met that "the only truly happy people found their happiness from turning within." He learned to trust in the universal guidance and the process of life, so that "show me" became his motto. He describes his maturing relationships with several girlfriends and his family, and aims to live by Gandhi's epithet: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

But still the final piece of the jigsaw of his cure was missing. It was not until the energy that he had rebuilt so painstakingly crashed yet again at the time of his exams at university that it started to dawn on him that the symptoms of ME are identical to symptoms of anxiety. Everyone had told him that ME is a physical disease. He describes his anger, (something quite new to him) and the feelings of let down. This led him to NLP and hypnotherapy and now that he knew he wanted to help others make their own journeys to health and happiness, he decided to train in both. So, still with very limited energy, he did so at the same time as completing his research project (on ME) and his degree in psychology! By the end of the book (2002), the reader has formed the impression of an extraordinarily mature man of such passion, focus, balance and integrity, who seems to have done so much with his life. Yet he is only 22! Alex is obviously extremely bright (though unassuming), but that is typical of people with ME. He has shown how extreme adversity can temper and re-form one's very being, regardless of the odds. I am sure that this book and this man have the motivational power to catalyse real changes in many peoples' lives. I have sent this book to nearly 20 people with ME or other chronic conditions. Even those who are too ill to read more than a few pages without needing to rest, "couldn't put it down"! Alex is practising in North London and gives regular weekend workshops on Pure Happiness and the Lightning Process. See his website: www.alexhoward.me.uk